It wasn’t until my coach had asked me the very question. I was irritated and looked back at her with big big eyes not really knowing what to answer. And I did not get all my answers straight, I came up with some. But it was eye opening when I realized how little time I spent with things I loved, and how much I sacrificed myself for being a wealthy and successful business lady working on projects that I did not really like and living a poor deal in that I traded my lifetime in exchange for money. I was living a life completely on auto pilot mode. I was missing purpose.

What makes you feel alive? (and the answer is…)

“I think it is when I do things that make my eyes shine a little bit brighter. When I do things I loooove like dancing wild or listening to music. Or the glow after a yoga class (as teacher and student) when the only vibration is peace and love. Last but not least when I can share things that I love with other people, when I can connect with people on a deeper level.”

Back in the days of my little crisis I felt so exhausted by not doing much and at the same time judged myself for not doing much (…which made me angry for wasting my time and energy for the harsh judgment on myself, which put me back even further). “A feedback loop to hell”, as Mark Manson (The subtle art of not giving a f*ck) calls it. I caught myself. This made me laugh. So the first thing I did was: I explored my energy drains and tried to replace them with energy sources. I found them in music, yoga, self-care and nature. I decided to say no to shady self-talks, judgment, comparison and jealousy and abandon this toxicity from my life. And believe me, it’s a decision. And I decided to spend as much time as I could in places, with people I felt totally switched on, energized with, whole, all there and alive.  I took some time off with no judging and no shame (well that was the first obstacle not to despise myself for that). I took time to explore the roots of my suffering (which were not necessarily on a deep trauma level, but simply the reality I created in my mind).

I took time for healing and reprogramming my mind. For that I saw coaches, healers and visited seminars for personal and spiritual development. Cause sometimes you just cannot get out of the rat race yourself. And it is often just a little external opinion or a new routine that can revolutionize your life completely. I got to know myself (I had no idea how litte I knew), got clear about by abilities and resources (I had been playing small in my private and business life for years). I radically started to eliminate my limiting mindsets and destructive self talks, unhealthy habits and relationships from my life (which were sooo not in alignment with my values and especially my self-value – like at all!!!). And finally I allowed and empowered myself to tap into my full potential. Of which I knew was there, which I simply could not access by all those barriers I created within myself. I got off my own way. And I am still travelling, still learning, still evolving. Cause the way is the goal, isn’t it?